The Heart's Regret
by Neiize
Summary: People live and people die. But in my heart your shining personality never fades. Rx?


**Author: **Neiize****

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Beyblade or anything else that brings in a sufficient amount of money, for that matter. What I do own is the story line and plot that go on in my story and the occasional OC, but that is all. I write for the sake of writing, and nothing more.**  
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**Warning: **Mentions of suicide, light yaoi

**Author's Notes: **Just a way to get rid of my writter's block. Dedicated to Intense Innocence. She wrote a wonderful one-shot, "Love is my DUI". If you want something to cheer you up after this bucket of blood-soaked razors, I sugest you take a look at it.

Final note: Try and guess the protagonist's (narrarator) identity in a review, if you choose to leave one.

Enjoy.  
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You never cease to amaze me.

Everything about you- just everything- was perfect. I don't know where to start.

That smile- that smile could make angels sing. You never faked it. It always came straight from the heart, which was the first thing that made mine warm up to you. The first time I ever laid eyes on you, you presented me with a perfect smile. Not too big, but not just a upward curve of the lip. It just looked so sincere. And you just looked happy. And that made me happy, too. Sometimes I would do something horribly stupid just to see that smile. You never knew that, did you? I guess you never will.

Your spirit. It was always so tender. And I'm not quite sure what I mean by that. It's something hard to describe, but it made me feel warm. At peace. Like if I were told that I was going to die of a terminal illness at the blink of an eye, it wouldn't have mattered if I was with you. This feeling... was so soft. Comforting, more to say. Like a newborn baby being tucked in by hands full of love and care. You always looked out for me. I don't know how, but you always sensed something, that thing inside me; that thing that screamed: "I'm not okay." And whenever you felt its presence you always shooed it away. You would talk. And not just the nodding of the head, or a simple-minded "mhm". Your words helped. You would view the situation in a way that I never thought possible, and you would make everything okay.

The most important thing you did was something no one else had ever done before.

You tried to touch my heart.

So many before have tried, but I pushed them all away. I pushed you away the roughest.

But you didn't give up.

As much as I tried to stray away, you wouldn't let me. When I pushed, you pushed back harder. When I yelled, you yelled louder. When I punched, you took it. You didn't get angry, or the least bit upset. I'm not an idiot. You could have stopped it. You saw it; your eyes followed it as it moved. But you didn't stop it. You looked at me, with eyes of knowledge.

"Feel better?"

And I did. You knew I was broken. You knew how much I was hurting. You didn't badger me or give a pathetic attempt in trying to understand. Because it wasn't pathetic. You knew. At that moment, I understood; those eyes of knowledge were eyes also reflecting pain and bitterness. I saw the scars. But I saw the heal marks, too. You knew what you were doing, because you had been there before. But you were fixed. Just like how you eventually fixed me.

From then on, when I was with you, I felt like I was at the top of the heavens, on the biggest cloud, with the gentlest bursts of wind dancing with my hair. So invincible. Nothing could tear me down. No one could steal my thunder, and no one could block out my sunshine. I had never felt like this in my life. With you, I had one thing I never had before: happiness.

But then it happened.

A single shot.

A single blow.

A single weapon.

A single life.

Tell me, how does one little thing cause thousands of people years of unforgettable pain? 

I hate you.

I want to hate you.

I want to hate you for what you've so carelessly done.

But... what?

That's what I don't understand.

What.

What was wrong? Did someone threaten you? Your family? Your friends? Did your life feel meaningless? A waste of time? You know you could have talked to me. You know you could have said anything to me. But, reflecting on the past, I think I know what happened.

You broke again.

Your bandages slowly loosened and eventually tore apart. The pieces; millions of pieces spread upon the floor. In a mix. In a haze. Confused. Lost. Scared.

Your heart was wrenching, wasn't it?

Your soul was screaming for help, wasn't it?

Your mind was delusional, wasn't it?

You don't have to answer.

And you never will.

You saved me.

You knew you did. You were too smart not to.

You knew exactly what to do. You knew exactly how to act. You drew so many people into your light of hope and prosperity but yet you couldn't ask a single one for guidance.

You couldn't have asked me, could you?

You were so vain. Not just for the looks, but for the words too. If you said something, you would never go back on it, even if you were 100 percent wrong. You saving me but then needing to be saved by me just didn't add up in your mind's calculations, did it? You didn't like being corrected and you didn't like change. You danced to the beat of your own drum and you laughed with the melodies of your own heart. 

But that heart doesn't beat anymore.

That laugh is a non-existing sound.

That life will one day be forgotten.

But never by me.

Never.

I loved you, Ray.

And after all these years, one thing remains persistent.

You never cease to amaze me.

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Read & Review, please.


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